Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A little more about me

My name is Joyce and I am 45, married with a 19 yr old son and 18 yr old step-daughter.  I have battled with my weight since I was 14.  I met my best friend, "Food", in junior high.  I was extremely shy growing up, so I was "that girl".  You remember the one.  The one the school took great pleasure in teasing.  So when I got home each day, my "dear friend" was there to comfort me.
  As a result, I gained weight and was teased all the more.  Oh what a vicious circle.
  We moved from Delaware to North Carolina when I was 15.  I was 5'2" and 185lbs at the time.  I was excited about the move, thinking I would leave my nemesis behind me.  I didn't realize there were nemesis everywhere, so the teasing continued.
  Soon after this, my mother became very ill.  The doctors discovered she had a bad heart with 14 yrs of damage.  I spent that summer taking care of her.  I turned 16 that fall and with that, new changes.  My self-esteem was at its lowest, on top of all the normal teenage issues.  I decided to change and lost weight over the next summer.
  I maintained and met my husband at 18, married at 19 and my mother passed when I was 20.  My heart was broken and my old friend, Food, returned to comfort me.  I can remember that day so well, I ate so much I thought I would be sick.
  A few years later, in my mid 20's, I decided once again to make changes.  I hardly ate, or the right things.  I was never in danger of anorexia, but I still wasn't healthy.  I was about 127lbs when I was 25.  I was happy and all was well in the world.
  Then we tried to have a baby.  I had a couple of miscarriages and turned to my old friend again.  I had gained roughly 35lbs by the time I was pregnant with my son.  After having him, I lost a little, but with all the changes I couldn't seem to focus on me.  (part of that is my co-dependent nature...more on that later).  My weight crept up and in 5 years was 260 plus.  I stopped weighing myself, but I know it was over 260.  My self-esteem was once again rock bottom and in the next 4 yrs my husband and I were divorcing.  I couldn't eat and got down to about 179lbs that next year.
  Unfortunately, I did the dreaded "rebound".  I married 3 weeks after my divorce to a man I barely knew.  ( WHAT was I thinking?!?!?!?)  Soon after I realized he was an alcoholic.  This is how I came to learn I was co-dependant.  For 4 1/2 years, I endured his drunken state.  I was on the verge of insanity, literally.  I asked the doctor for something to help and he gave me some samples.  I put them in my dresser drawer and would periodically look at them, then put them back in.  Finally I pulled them out and said, "I can take these and mask the problem, OR, do something about the problem".  3 weeks later we split.  I CANNOT put into words the shear relief I felt.  By this point, I was 260 plus again.
  I took a WELL needed sabbatical and focused on my son as well as myself.  He was 14 and I was 40.  I had a hysterectomy that August and decided to use that to help me lose weight again.  I tried to eat smaller portions and with the relief of being out of that situation, it came a little easier.  I got down to 202lbs.  Once again it crept up about 20lbs when I met my current husband.  He is awesome and I am so beyond thankful to have him in my life.  I took my time and he was well worth the wait.  We were married this past November.  I was about 235lbs and have since gained to 248.
This is me at our wedding.  I decided to use a full length for better comparisons in the future.

  So, here we are.....

1 comment:

  1. You have been through so much and I can relate to so much of it. I am so sorry about your Mom and your past husbands. I really get the co-dependency and using food as a friend. I am really happy to have met you here on your blog. I am very glad to be following your journey. Congratulations on getting married!! And I have to say that you really are gorgeous!!